Fear

Days 7-10

The house is quiet, now. A little while ago it was loud with tears, frustration, sad words and fea.r

I don't like fear.

Fear reminds me that it exists because hope is lost. Fear exists because of past failure. Fear happens when we have tried something before and it hasn't worked out and we have felt something be quashed in our hearts, and we don't want to feel that way again.

My adult eyes tell me that fear can be healthy and it exists as part of the warning systems in our brains to protect ourselves from danger.

But how do I tell my 12 year old that he shouldn't fea learning to read?

How do I help him understand that reading is a code of sounds and symbols and that all we are doing is working to match the symbol and the sound so he can look at symbols on a page, or a screen, or a sign and he can break the code?

We have been trying to do that for the last few days, and right now, I'm feeling afraid.

I am afraid that I will not be able to help him past his fear and his lack of confidence.

I am afraid that he has committed the message that there is something wrong with him, as a person, in his heart and I won't be able to convince him to change that message.

I am afraid that there is no one else out there who will be able to do that either and I don't know who to ask for help, or where to turn.
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Backing up. We have been working over the last few days on learning sounds with the Lindamood Bell LiPS system. Objectively, I can see that it is a reasonable, researched, understandable approach to helping people focus on the motor part of making sounds (knowing how the tongue, teeth, lips, etc. move and feel when making certain sounds). I was so very hopeful that with all the years of speech therapy that Josh has completed, this approach would tie into the schema he already has in his head and the light bulbs would start going off.

Refer to the top of this post to see how well this experiment has gone.

Breaking the learning down into smaller parts didn't seem to help. Over-exaggerating the lip motions didn't really seem to do anything, bribing with Pokemon cards didn't inspire more willingness to try again and the more we worked, the more frustrated he became. As usual, once the frustration hit, the learning stopped.

That means we had to stop for the day.

Feeling my defeat in the moment, I asked him which way made more sense to his brain----practicing sounds "the card way" (the OG approach) or "the magnet way" (LiPS).

He said "the card way".

So, that's where we will start tomorrow. Back to the beginning, but we will add a new sound. Maybe, just maybe I can find a way to combine these two systems to help the light go off behind his eyes so he can truly see that there is nothing to fear with these symbols and letters. Then, with practice, the code will make sense to him and soon we can find a way to break it, together.

Back in the Saddle Again

Day 5-6

It's always hard to get back into routine, whether it is the teacher getting back into the swing of school time (as opposed to summer time) or a certain (now) 12 year old who is still recovering from a week of "Boy Scout Camp Time".

Alas, mom's plan of the day prevailed as we are getting back into the swing of things and  it has been a challenge. In spite of that, it has also been instructive in seeing what has "stuck" in the Josh brain, and what hasn't.

The encouraging thing is that when we reviewed the sounds the first time--before Josh could really think about them--he had all four letter/sound correspondence RIGHT! (Cue sound of angel choir)! I gave him a big high five, knuckles and 2 Pokemon cards.

From Google Images

What Josh looks like when he starts to doubt.

 From Google Images

I'm thinking...Hey, success! This OG approach is the way to go! However, my happiness bubble was dashed. Apparently my reaction was a bit of overkill since his accuracy decreased as we continued to practice. The same habits I saw before he left for camp came back with a vengeance. I saw the doubt cloud his eyes, the hesitation in creating the sound, the looking to my face for the verbal or facial cue to create the sound and most frustrating of all...the negative self-talk about his ability to unlock the world of letter/sound correspondence. That look of defeat is what sucks the very soul out of me.  While we were able to finish the lesson and I grabbed the next sound (/g/) to introduce, I was still stuck on the fact that my perky boy has zero confidence in his ability and his doubt overwhelms what his brain clearly knows.

What BOTH of us need to remember

. From Google Images

Cue the mommy guilt. How could I have not known this? How could I have let it go on for so long? Aren't I supposed to know these signs and advocate for him?

So, I had my moment, made myself some coffee and thought about what to do next. I pondered how I could change the OG approach to be more of an errorless learning environment to try and change the thought process he has by eliminating the "failure" factor.

Then I looked across the dining room and saw the Lindamood Bell LiPS kit that came while he was gone. This approach is another phonics approach to learning to read, but has the starting point as defining and recognizing the sounds of the language first, then attaching the letter symbol to them. This is the approach Jen, Josh's Speech Therapist, suggested to me. Her thought is that since Josh already has the learning pattern in his brain of copying speech sounds, starting with the sound and moving to the letter might be a better approach. As I thought about it, and reflected to the fact that the symbol/sound approach is tapping into Josh's "doubt" thought process, I figured, why not? Tonight will be me grabbing a glass of wine, cracking open the case and seeing if there's a way to meld the OG and the Lindamood Bell approaches together, or if I can figure out the Lindamood Bell approach fast enough to change up the game plan and find a way to break the cycle of doubt so Josh can finally find a way to trust his instincts and finally break through the code of language.

Well, that and plan for a 12 year old slumber party for Saturday night. However, that is a whole separate adventure!

What I'd rather be thinking about! From Google Images